Why worked here so sucks?

Today just like a part of my history I just quit from the work I just interview that i talk about from my last post. Yes I worked just for 2 months. And each day before I dont have time to write any entry about my job and what was being done at work. And I was too comfortable worked there till I never expected the cicumstances that would happen.

The first impression that I was thought after I enter the office is the designed of the office that was so cool and cozy. Like I can smell a relaxing office, to make designing as a career. Forever career. The glass window, the glass meeting room and everywhere is using a nice table and everything seems like from the IKEA catalogue design. I am totally excited to start my work there. Too excited maybe.

After the end of month I didnt get my salary yet. I understand that they are advertising company, sometimes money rolled down, sometimes never roll. and sometimes client delayed payment after the event settled. Plus if the client from a big company even if they delayed no one cares about it and who are you small company to sue them. So, it was june and on 30th June still I didnt get my payment yet me and my friends start to wondering about it. And me too , I just whatsapp my boss asked when I could get my salary. They said on Wednesday. Then Im jut ok.

Then until the 2nd week of July we still waited and hoping for the salary. And its get near to Eid. Ya Allah lucky it was Ramadhan and everyone still can be patient about it. But come on, we need money to work, to eat, to do so much thing, lucky me I still have my savings, my house near from them who use motorcycle, cars, that need fuel. Then we got our salary at the moment we are nearly to Eid and yess our salary that was given wasnt enough. I dont know how they count but 3 of us didnt get enough salary. After Eid holiday we met our boss to complaint and discuss about it. And he already get our deals about our salary that wasnt enough and promise to settle it by that week.

And then you can predict it didnt happen at all. Until it was end of July. We still didnt get our job.
I was quite fed up with it and starting feel not comfortable working there. You know, if ure late get a salary who can be in that situation right ? and u keep begging for money eventhough u are always gave ur artwork, always come to work, didnt even take a leave, its like so shitty you didnt get anything for what you have done. It was so sucked.

An Interview again !

Okay this is not the first time i wrote or post an entry about an interview, but yeah i will post here because its a part of my life step. This time after a week I've been spending my time at home, I came out with an ideas to take a look of any job I could have in the Jobstreet pages.

Yea, I just take a look at it since I thought for me its though to got a job from Jobstreet, maybe the qualification needed was high and they have a higher expectation for their candidates. But why not just trying right? So I'm just updated my resume in the Jobstreet. Just some information that I add and the exact time i worked before. This time I thought maybe the chances is there even a bit at least because Ive added that Ive got the 8 months experience with ADZ which is my old company.

So, the interview begins after my boss Cik Puteri textes me to inform about my interview and she want to see me and my artwork. So i was replying the whatsapp with such a nervous. So much nervous because I didnt expect she will directly whatsapp me like that. I feel like is this  a joke?
Then she said she want me to be at their office at 3.30 pm. Panic, nervous, unprepared and more. Lucky. How lucky I am that Ive did an portfolio most of the day before. I am really have high instinct right? Sure and no doubt.

As I arrived their office at level 3 at this Rampai Business Park. So Im just waited for a call or any information from them. Just sit. Suddenly she came out and gave me a letter to be filled. Then I filled it as what she want.

After a minutes I was get into her office as she asked me to followed her. And I was quite amazed and stopped for a while. Their office is amzing and seems exclusive. I never thought and wonder Im gonna worked in an environment like this. Btw I really loved their decorations. Seriously. And I can see there is so many IKEA's items. Plus, I could recognize either it was IKEA or not. hahahaa...

Of course I am super excited. So I have to control my nervous feeling. If an environment like this what came across my mind was they expect higher level and expert designer. I thought Im not gonna make it. Then after I was explaing I know based on what I learned in the corporate industry and all my experience with ADZ she seems can swallow all of it and can listen and understand. I thought I was useless mumbling or what. Then I keep explaining about my portfolio and sort of it. Then she asked my details which is where I lived blablabla...

Andddd she said she will emailed me my offer letter. AMAIGAD AMAIGAD AMAIGAD ! I am excited an happy for this news. Yeahh and yeahh ALhamdulilah. So much praise to Allah because I really need a job and im out of mood to stayed at this home.

So ! Have a toast for me !!! ;)

The Vow

Im just finished watching The Vow.. Well actually I feel like watching it because of Channing Tatum haha! But now.. Its a regret i didnt watch it earlier because the story is such unique and quite amazing.. But it was a sad story that I wish never ever ever happen in my life timeline.

Well, its a beautiful love story between Paige and Leo. Leo and Paige been married for 5 years and been stayed together maybe more than that. One wonderful day after they just finished their dinner at their favourite's restaurant they caught into accident. An horrible accident where their car is been hit by a truck. During the incident happen their car being crashed with a big impact till Paige head hit the glass of front car. While Leo neck was injured.They have been arouse to the hospital's for treatment.

After a while Leo's wake up earlier and he was heal earlier than Paige. He was worried of his wife. He keep checked on her everyday while Paige still coma's. Leo was scared, panicked and always worried all the time about his wife condition. He keep sit next to her and checked on her.

Its been a while until Paige fully recovered. Then Leo was there with the doctor and Paige slowly opened up her eyes and her eyes gazing everywhere tried to identified where she was. Then she told the doctor her head was hurt. Doctor said it was a normal brain injuries. Then Paige asked the doctor who is also injured in the accident. Then Leo was keep quiet hearing it. He feel shock. Then he asked Paige "what do u mean who else? Don't u know me?" then Paige answered "of course you're my doctor". Leo and the Doctor look each other. Leo sit down next to Paige bench and he said "I'm your husband" with an act to hold Paige hand but Paige pull off her hands. Like a stranger tried to hold her and she look at Leo like nothing. She clearly dont remember about her husband Leo.

Leo feel frustrated. The person he loves the most forgets about him afterall and he feels like he loses everything. He loves Paige so much and he was so terribly sad. He sat down and cried all the way.

But, he didnt give up. He still stay at the Hospital's. Took a good care of Paige even Paige don't remembered anything about him. But he tried to with a hope Paige will remember anything slowly about their happiness before.

Its just I really understand the pain of Leo was having. U know? His own wife that he loves so much, happy each other so much doesnt remember him at all and his own wife memory just remember till she graduated. Like really2 dont remember who is Leo at all. And his wife who cut the bond between her own family for 5 years suddenly get back to them because she doesnt remember why she cut the bond between them. And Leo just being left like that because she still feel insecure. It was totally sad. And Paige family really2 never met Leo and after they met at the Hospital, they dont even like Leo at all. And tried to get rid of Leo from her daughter. I really can feel how Leo feel. Surely he was hurt too much. Like she changed into like that. But he got a lot of patient and go through his life. But i loves the ending where everything that happen between them, Paige like slowly need Leo and get back to him.

Because the one who understand u is the one who you understand too :)

29 May 2015

Today I came to work as usual I did. But then I never knew Im gonna end up upset... a bit.. not too upset.. but a bit upset.. my boss just told me that next monday will be my last day...a very last day.. which means its the last Monday..

Hell yeah.. I know that I keep thinking of quitting my job earlier and keep preparing the resigned letter. but i kept rethink of it since Im afraid I've being paid too late. Like what I experienced and what I saw and what happen to my friend who quit being paid very-very late.

But today...yeahh I just didnt expect that I got the news that he asked me to quit.. and the reason is just because they are out of job and there's no one to take a look at the office and there is nothing to do.. Its like some kind of tricks to make me quit. With a proper punctuation and low tone voice don't even could convince my feelings to accept their situation or what.

And a question popped up after all of his words came through my ears is "why he want me to quit this early but he wants my friend Kak Fathiah to stay" its makes me question myself. If there is no jon and there is no one anymore at the office why he needed Kak Fathiah and plus Kak Fathiah is getting more loner.

I know and understand that all this while we're workin under his daughter Kak Aida, and he was afraid we just chilling around he whole month until Kak Aida's come back from her maternity leave and he said she might take a leave more than we expected. Okay I understand that part. Then he said that is why we got no job. Then he said that no one is gonna be at the office to take a look at us because he always just do his job, outside appoinments, outstations, and no one is going to observe is.

For me he is just being subtle that time. Of course that because of he dont want to talk to me straight away but its okay....


Maybe Im not that worth to be kept...

Fucked Up !!

Seriously harini 18 May 2015, hari yang paling fucked up dlm hidup aku !!! Errrghhh tension nya ! Banyak gila benda tension yg aku xtau lah cane aku leh hadap harini.

1. Aku dah cuti seminggu dah sbb boss aku boleh lak bg aku dengan akak office aku cuti sbb kesian tgok ktorg dtg kerja tp xde gaji lagi. Untuk information bilangan pekerja yg di perlu bayar cuma 4 org je pun. Aku, Kak Fathiah, Bangla, dengan Boy yg diorg baru berentikan sbb alasan dah xd3 gaji. Logik xlogik company yg selalu buat job dengan Felcra, Mardi,Utm tp xda duit even sikit. Reason dia sbb client buat banyak job tp xbayar. Semua masih hutang dengan company aku. Tak kesah la. Dah tau ada pekerja kena la backup. Xkan 4 org pun xboleh bayar. Company besar kot. Dah ada identiti sendiri semua. Siap ada kedai. Ada opis sendiri. Memang xlogik lansung.

2. Lepas seminggu cuti harini dah kena kerja. Aku ingatkan harini dah boleh laaaa dapat gaji. Even berat gila aku bangun pagi td. Tapi tuptup pagi tadi dia leh whatsapp dalam group dengan ayat berbunyi begini

Boss : "Salam and gud morning semua, sorry for the delay
But akak ada gud news"

Kak fathiah : " Waalaikumussalam..Kak Aida"

Boss : "Insyaa Allah salary will be credited to ur account on Wednesday Kalau korang free boleh la dtg office, tlg akak kemas office, sebab dah new setup.."

Apa yang gud news nya ? -_- dia xsedar ke dia dah delay and its more bad news sbb delay smpai rabu and its more bad news sbb kne kemas office. Bangang -_-

And I was like whatttt ?? Tangguh smpai Rabu lagi? Aku ingat dah boleh dapat harini ? Why another 2 daysss haihhh... memang ah boleh tunggu tapi xkan ar lg 2 hari. Aku pun nak guna duit haih. Ikutkan mggu depan dah boleh dapat gaji baru dah.

3. Aku sampai2 opis aku tengok opis berselerak gila. Diorang mcm biasa laaa nak tukar susunan lagi. Nampak sgt xde kerja an? Penat siot dahla aku rasa xsedap badan je. Letih gila aku kemas2. Tolak2 kusi. Angkat2 kotak. Kertas2.

4. Boss aku boleh bawak IMac aku balik umah. Bila aku tanya mana IMac aku dia jawab "akak xbawak... esok jela akak bawak" habis aku nak buat apa sepanjang arini seh... memanglaaa harini buat macam2 kemas stor semua. Tapi lpastu aku bosan gila tgok phone je. G mampus laa kalau umah kau xda komputer. Ko nak beranak, beranak jela xyah laaa nak ada komputer. Pastu aku xpaham laaa asal laa xbawak balik ko punya IMac je. Mengada ar ckp IMac aku kecik sikit laaa apa laa.. Tau ar company bapak kau. Sukati mak bapak kau je nak buat apa. Nasib baik kau mengandung. Haih... mengandung kau ni menyakitkan ati org.

Pergh bengang bengang...
#middlefinger

Find Your Own Happiness

"Find Your Own Happiness"

How could he said that to me... 

doesnt he realised that he is my happiness.... doesnt he knew why Im here...? 

I was here not because I am not happy or I dont find happiness anywhere... 

I have it. Its just I am a teenager and no one is a teenager around me..

Doesnt he understand that??? My sister? she already married and she was 34..

My topic with my family is just about the life.. the future.. the financial.. the adult matters.. doesnt he knew why Im easily get mad.. easily get stresss? Bceause all those thing that I was thinking was complicated all the time... with this and that and I was being matured without him around.. What does he know??? He just know how to judge.. And I just end up told everything here.. my blog.. that the only place that I can throw out everything..

and if I talk to her she kept sleeping because she was tired of working. Everyone was tired of working in this house. Even my mom if I disturb her sleep like I want to chatted she just replied a little...

But I always tend to chet and talk with her... because I always love and need her.. and in the end just she is the one who leave here....

and its not i didnt do anything else..

i go to KLCC... i read books at Kinokuniya... I go out with friends...

I was hang out with my sister.. I shopping with my sister... we lunch together...

I visited my mom when she was working... I do household chores.. I was working...

I was gving money to my mom.. I have to do the budget list... Thes so many things in my mind and my routine that he dont even know.. and he dont even know.. and he doesnt need to know if he judge me this way....

As a person who he tought i was need other people symphathy and always need others to create happiness inside me... he was wrong.. I just need one person to make me happy.. and others I dont even mind if they gonna hurt me or not.. I fthey hurt me Im not thinking about it any longer... It would go away after a while... And I know that even I act like I dont care but I actually care... Yes... I always care because I've been gifted with a feeling that i was easily feel people around.. even when I was dont even care...

Like I was doing my job and my officemate being scold for their problems... I still would heard and see it... and remember... and I would asked either they are okay or not.... even if they bad to me... I know Im not that humble or good person but I always have the symphaty towards anyone and I always have the deep feeling inside me to help and to feel....

I was pretty sad.. maybe I really need to find my own happiness am I.........

The Fault In Our Stars.

Im just done finished one of my favourite movie. Which is The Fault in Our Stars. Why do i love that movie? Because it is the closest to my own reality life... the movie that shows not only healthy people tend to feel the love.. to fall in love.. to have couples... and not everyone is healthy...

I understand that if u have one kind of sickness..that wrap your life eversince..  you will go a way further to fall in love... to feel what is love.. sometimes u just love to see people.. who fall in love.. have a nice couples.. but not for you.. because u wont feel the strength to gone through it with your condition..

Having a sickness makes you different from a normal people.. u can be a person who laugh the most but infact you are the one who suffered the most.. u can be the one who smile a lot infact u can't even create ur own frown for yourself..

Fainted everywhere... see your mom looking at u and worried about you after you wake up is not a thing i always thought will never did again... but i always failed...

Everytime i just awake from my faint... she look at me like... i feel a lot of burden to her... and i would always keep away my eyes from look at it..

Seeing ur mom take out cash to pay your hospitality.. which is uncounted.. and keep thinking until when u will stop make her paid for your hospitality stuff.. those things.. and u just sit there and just can sit.. seeing her.. feel useless...

And when you watch tv's of phone's.. after several times ur head will hurts.. while u just a moment to watch it.. ur head is hurts.. really hurt like there is a needle with really small and sharp tip keep beak ur brain... and u just have to throwed away the remoted and tried to sleep.. but u always failed to sleep sometimes because of the hurt...

So u have to get rid all those media stuff... all those lights actually... and ur mom keep concerned u too sleep all the times and rest... and u like cant do anything at all... and of course.. not to go outside or go anywhere just alone.. anymore..

And of course... friends will avoided you... slowly.. u are losing friends.. cause u cant go out together as they often did.. and u just follow what ur mom said to lift their burden.. enough with no one will stick to you after sees what happen... some may laugh at you just because ure sick... and played around with it..

Makes me heartless...

I never showed that im weaked.. cause i never wanted anyone to see me as weak.. im always do my own business.. cause i have to keep away from people who hurt my feeling by make me as a joke...

And there's also a lot of things i couldnt involve... i cant involve sports.. i couldnt joined any trip like camping or what.. so im just stick to academic... sometimes just being supportive to my friends who involve sports.. like "heyyy u can do ittt ! Run as fast as u could and get the medal babes!!" thats all i can.. but actually i was good in running at primary school... just before i know i had the sickness...

But in high school i was one of the Volleyball club president but i keep just sit and not to play..."nahhh xpayah aku takkan main. Korang main jelahh" just my job to check all volleyball ball.  Volleyball ball? What is that? Nevermind. Wether enough or not.. and tick either they are absence or not.. the one i hate when they like "tanda aku dtg tau tp lg 5 min aku chow" aish but i just did it because i agreed that its quite bored to play volleyball every weekend .. but i play once or just sometimes because they forced me to..

Yeaaa im quite active at schools.. do a lot of thing because im not a sit back type.. i love to do so many things.. just this kind of condition makes me not too..

And at my university i become one of the assistant in the Photo Club. I was enjoying much to learn about photography since i was one of the president of Computer Club at school and im teaching all those technique in computer include designing. I make all of them know the function of adobe. And what the software could do. And what photoshop could do.

Maybe thats is why im quite well known. Not really well known. But my junior quite a lot. And i also teach form 1 2 3. Although i was form 4 5 like that. And im happy to see them explore it themselves. It is that the facilities quite limited but yeahh im happy.

And sometimes i loves form 1 or 2 that just so cute and small haha.. i love kids. Pinch their cheek all the time haha..

I know that i was like talked so much nonsense so far but what im trying to said was.. being sick quite makes ur life limited but its never stop u from do what u love... there is always other way to do what u want even u have so many taboos or what to make urself stay healthy so that u wont makes others worried of you ... but u always can..

But.. it is so beautiful when u found someone who really2 understand you.. who treat u so well.. really2 makes u laugh.. really2 makes u smile.. being so much honest to you.. never treat u like sick... make u tried everything that u ever thought impossible... that u scared to try but its just nothing.. nothing that makes u hurt at all.. makes u see the world so widely.. makes you happy and smile back.. make u feel a lot of strength.. sometimes mad at u about the right thing but just u cant accept it.. makes u believe the truth about urself... makes u believe the fact about urself that u hardly to accept... because u always feel like u are normal and makes u feel u are better than others...

And i dont wanna lose that special person....