That's all

the moment when im pointing my finger scrolling the phone
and i see my own finger moves by itself.
that feeling is like... ?

like looking at it moving.
Thats all.

Yeahhh Alhamdlulillah !!

Harini lawak betul.
bukan apa.
aku pergi interview tadi.
dah sampai office tu akak tu suruh tunggu kejap sementara boss dia datang.
aku tunggu ar. ada la jugak nervous.
lepastu aku dah dalam 20 minit tunggu aku saja nak check bag aku.
saja nak check sijil and resume yang aku fotostat semalam.
tapi tengok2 takda.
Ya Allah panik gila aku.
seriously aku panik.
aku mcm sesak nafas kejap.

aku cakap kat akak tu dengan muka cover xda pape
"err kak saya keluar sekejap eh"
lepastu aku keluar.
cuba call adik aku tapi xdapat.
call lg skali habis kredit plak adeh
lepastu aku cuba cari taxi nak balik.
tapi xda satu pun sebab taxi memang xlalu kawasan tu.
so aku xda jalan lain.
aku terpaksa jalan dalam lebih kurang satu jam dengan jalan yang sangat laju
dan berlari2 anak sebab kena balik ambik resume.
sampai rumah aku dah xckup nafas dah.

dahla dengan belum breakfast lagi.
Ya Allah letih.
then pergi sana aku naik cab sebab aku memang xda makna nak jalan lagi.
lagipun muka aku dah berpeluh2

memang keje gila betul lah.
sekurang2 nya aku boleh stable kan nafas aku dalam taxi tu.
and ada air-cond at least.
haih.
aku jadi pelupa sejak akhir2 ni aku xtau kenapa.
menyusahkan diri sendiri dan menyusahkan nak kena ulang alik bagai.

tapi Alhamdulillah dapat.
Amin.
but ada jugak aku doa semalam.
tak sangka plak tuhan tu makbulkan doa aku.
Alhamdulillah.

Panas hati aku. Panaaas2

Harini meskipun cuaca mendung atau cerah atau terang sekalipun.
takda kaitan dengan feeling aku skarang ni.
sebab aku mcm near to death.
its not a really2 death.
but i just feel like dying after what happen today.

Know what?
on monday im supposed to start my practical.
and today i was called the director of the company that agreed
and already sign-off the agreement with me that im gonna start my internship with
his company this monday.
which i can conclude everything is already settled very well

and guess what he said to me today ?
" Mr Kenny i would like to inform that going to start my internship this monday with your company"
   "Hah? this monday aaaa? tapi saya sulaaa cukup olang. saya sula adaa 4 staff skrg suda penuh. kalau u           masuk nanti u tada tempat"
"huh? what? but u've signed the letter that i've told you about my intern. and im frequently come and asked u about it and i've sent my resume to you"
   "Aiyaa saya lupaa laaa... u masuk December boleh kaa? sebab budak intern saya belum habis"
"No I can't. i have to follow my Univerisities procedure. I still have to start on 27th whatever happen"
   "Macam ini aaa bagi ur number... i check balik nanti"

lannnnchiaaaooo maa lu apek...
guaaa sulaaa luuu mau kaaa...

memang panas je.
aku ada 4 hari jer lagi sebelum Monday which is possibilities nak jumpa company tu memang possible gila.
then yg 2 hari tu pulak weekend.
maneee aku nak cariiiiii gilaaaaa......
kalau dia ambik num aku pun belum tentu dia call balik.
silap2 num aku pun dia hilang.

Penasihat akademik aku suruh jugak cari company baru dalam masa 2 hari ni.
and he said " Awak ada masa 2 hari lg. cari jugak nanti inform saya ASAP"

I was like whaaattt? its not fault !!!!

then i was walked around the house.
called here and there.
google here...
click here.
blablabla till my credits out.

and i found a company.
that seems like i have a chance.
near to my house.
and im so hoping to this company so much.

and when im going out with my aunt.
i still cant think clearly.
miserable.
and suddenly the company called me back.
and tell me to interview tomorrow
i feel like jumped around hahaha!
hooyeahh!
hahahahhahahahhaahaha im great im great hahahhahahaha
and i forgot that i was at the foodcourt.....
and everyone is looking..............

and i sit down back and smile...
with a sign off thumbs up to my mom.
this is so a miracle.
Alhamdulillah.
There is a way in every hardship

but thanks to him who listen to my nag.
hehe..

I still cant forgive you

Its 17 October 2014.
Im at home.
My friend, he was the Class monitor of my class.
Ive been know him all this 3 years.
Since I've joined studying at UTM
And now, all of us just grad.
He keep asking forgiveness from everyone.
And from me.
It is.
He hurt me.
During our last presentation.
The way he called me like i am so worthless.
And all my effort is never being seen by anyone.
That makes me feel hurt.
And i still cant forgive him until now.
Although how much he seek for forgiveness.
Because i am sick that time. He dont even know what i feel.
Being stress and having seizure. Lift such heavy things here and there. Then eat the medicine. Does he know that??
What he know is just about the presentation.
And suddenly on the day, the lecturer dont even touch the comp at all.
Such an idiot.
And the money that we spend?
The clothes that we bought?
The blazer?
Why we didnt just try other option ?
Pretending?
Renting?

Blergh. Human.