Worst

Its already getting so much worst. Worst than I tought, we argue a lot since he lost his job. He blaming me because he lose that job I don’t mind. But when he keep blaming me for what happen I don’t mind. But when he keep a distant between me and him I feel so heartbroken, I feel so much sad. I feel so deeply sad.  I don’t know what to do sometimes, Idk how to fix it anymore. I just make it worst and even worst I think….

Idk.. 

Aku dah tak tau lah

Today aku dinner dgn dia, aku mmg nak jumpa dia lepas habis kerja. Tapi aku tak tau pulak yang dia dah naik train. Aku mintak dia patah balik. Sebab aku mmg nak jumpa dia. Aku nak mintak maaf dekat dia atas apa yang jd. Aku sedih sangat about what happen cara dia mcm dia dah xkesah apa yang jd. And im so fuckin worried. So bila aku mintak dia patah balik. He was so damn mad lah sebab dia takde rasa la sampai nak patah balik sebab dia dah nak balik. Aku just nak jumpa and I just wanna fix everything.

So aku lepak dengan dia dekat Secret recipe. Aku betul2 bagitau perasaan aku mcmana sampai aku nangis2 semua. Aku order cake dengan hot tea. Just to make everything seems so fine. But end up aku yang nangis sebab aku xboleh nak explain mcmana aku rasa time tu. Sedih semua ada. First of all aku just nak luahkan perasaan aku yang aku nak mintk maaf kalau aku banyak buat salah dekat dia. And all I wanna do was just fix it and I want us to get back together as usual.

Aku tau aku xboleh undurkan masa. Sebab kalau aku tau, aku takkan paksa or mintak dia teman aku makan ke apa. Aku menyesal la jugak sebab dia sendiri cakap kerja tu lebih penting and dia cakap kerja tu dia boleh bawak ke permanent. Aku tak tau… aku maybe selfish pentingkan diri aku je ke… aku mintak maaf sangat2.

I hope it was okay

Actually I cant take it that we cant communicate like usually because of your phone broke down. I just cant talk properly with you since you keep whatsapp me using your brother phone, ur mom phone, so I decided to give you a cheap phone that was very2 cheap but I hope we can still texting. Idk what I did was enough or what. If I have enough money I already bought an iphone for you because I keep survey so many iphone and I keep calculating with my money wether its gonna be enough for me as well. But still not enough, I wanna make you happy but I wont take a risk until like that.

I hope you will be doing well with that device, I know its just vivo and ure not gonna be happy with it because its just a vivo phone. But I hope a little bit will life ur burden, at least will help you to check emails, or applying jobs on the internet.

Happy Birthday

Nothing special on this date. And nothing perfect and nothing I expect to happen on this date. Its just an anniversary of my birthday. I didn’t feel anything somehow, plus something bad also happen  last night. We are in the moment of argument. He suddenly came by and wanna give me a present at the moment we are in a fight. I came down and he was there. I feel quite happy saw he was there but im also crying at the same time. Idk what he was doing. I was crying because fight with him and then he came by and it was midnight. Give me a present and then he just wanna go just because he wanna give the car he borrow to his friend back.

Idk if im the one who wrong because I push him and I said if u wanna go back then go. Why did u came here. He came but I didn’t see his sincerity at all. When I look at him that time. I didn’t feel the love anymore inside him. The way he look at me wasn’t the same anymore like how he used to look at me the moment he look at me  4 years ago. I was sad. He really2 like came over just because he wanna give me that things just because its my birthday and he at least have to do something..

He also said he don’t want to couple anymore.. and he keep saying word like I don’t have any hope to be here anymore… I keep apologizing and idk what gonna change if even I apologize 1000 times…

But.. 

Happy birthday Maziah.. ure 22…

Fired

He lost his job at the moment I'm not expect it at all. Since then he act differently towards me. He said he’s being kicked out from that office, because of late and over break. And he said all those is because of me, because I always take his time over.. during lunch. What should I do and what should I say, of course I defend myself. If he love me he would accompany me plus I don’t have any friends yet, and then im the one who give him money for his starting job. Who is he to say to me like that. Why he said to me like that ? why ? how could you. Fuckkkkkk arrrghhh!!!

Call floor training

This week aku just duduk sebelah senior and listen to diorang punya call. Masa mula2 aku duduk n dengar macamana diorang cakap, aku pelik jugaklah apa yang diorang cakap pun aku xfaham.

Culture shock jugak la aku time tu. Aku tak pasti aku boleh buat ke tak. Tapi diorang bagi seminggu untuk aku master sistem semua. Aku pun okay la slowly lah kot study benda ni.

Buat masa ni dekat bape hari dah aku dduk sebelah akak yang buat call ni. Bosan pun ada. Sampai tertido2 aku pun ada jugak. Sebab call floor ni dahla swjuk. Aku ni pulak xbuat apa2. Dok dengar call dia je dari pagi sampai petang. Bosan jugak la. Aku xsabar nak habis cepat.

Aku gigil jugak nak buat sbb aku ni bercakap teruk sangat slack nyer lah. Tapi daripada mengantuk macamni im so cannot lah =="

The end.

Training day 2

Harini training dengan trainer lain sebab trainer aku ada hal. Harini main game. Main buat peta minda lah tulis atas mahjong la. And then explain.

Kali ni trainer aku nama dia Adli. Okay la jugak brader tu. Suara dia sangat2 lantang. Patutla jd trainer. And funny gila. Dia banyak jugak la brief pasal customer service smua. And mcm lagi banyak faham daripada aku training dengan Al. Hahahahha.

So harini went just fine. A new experience. New people. New life maybe ^_^