Abang ipar from Kelate.

Harini ada someone came over.
    Andddddd its my sister boyfriend.....!! wallah !! hehee
this is so unexpected that at last she meet someone for her..
   i mean her destiny.

yelah, kata orang lain orang lain lah cara jodoh dipertemukan. besides dalam Al-Quran ada menyebutkan bahawa jodoh ni ada 3 peringkat. which is yang pertama adalah jodoh yang ditemui awal, yang kedua jodoh yang ditemui lewat atau lambat dan yang ketiga jodoh yang dipertemukan di akhirat kelak.

so... kejap lagi they will come .. i think lepas zohor..
i m just sitting on my bed..waiting too..
of course lah tengok abang ipar kan..
my third abang ipar haha..
my sister dah kena langkah bendul 2 kali kot..
abang and kakyang married earlier than her..

not in mood of eating yet.

maybe i'll eat after the guest gone or what..
out of appetite to eat now..
lost my weight.. dayyuum.. what should i do..
where do i lost my monster desire towards food..
or maybe im craving for something?

err i dont know what..

btw abang ipar baru from kelantan..
wow kelantanese.
didnt expect before hehee..

so my first abang ipar from perak...
second from perlis...
third from kelantan..
kakak ipar from melaka...
and me?? Rawang maybe? Selangor?? of course !!

haha ! kalau dah dduk Selangor boleh laaa jalan2 kat The Mines ke, Sunway City ke.
Shoppingg !! hikhik pokai laaah Rifhan comel kuhhh hakhak >_<

apa2 pun may Allah ease everything today.
just wanna see my sister being happy as a wife.
at this age.
right? yaahh of course im right ........ ;)

sakit..

Aku tak faham laaaaahhh !!! apa lagi yang tak cukup dengan aku?? Aku dh cuba dah puaskan hati semua orang. Puaskan hati mak. Tapi kenapa aku macam tak dilayan je dalam rumah ni?? Kenapa?? Aku sedih lah…mak asyik nak menangkan yaa je. Ya tu pandai ni ya tu pandai tu. Aku pun ada hati dan perasaan jugak. Aku baru 20 tahun. Tak jauh pun beza dengan dia. Hari2 mak nak senyum sebab dia ukir buah2 han mcmtu lah macam ni lah.  Aku sedih laaah. Aku terasa kot. Dah lah lepastu cerita kat aku. Kimak laah aku xnak pun dengar. Pergi mati lah dia nak jadi chef ke apa ke. Dia pemalas mcmtu pun mak still anggap rajin lagi. Daripada aku yang dah buat semua kerja kat rumah. Aku ase nak nangis kot. Aku sedih gilaaa…. Sedih amat sangat… aku bukan sengaja nak doa bukan2 untuk mak.. aku sakit tengok aku dilayan macam tunggul… mak panggil aku untuk buat kerja je… kakak buat tu..kakak buat ni… tapi apa aku buat xnak ambil tahu pun… aku punya pointer pun xamik tau lansung…. Asik cakap adik aku pandai depan aku… aku tengah risau pasal degree aku apa semua dia xde pun nak amik tau… yang dia tau ya ya ya ya !!!

Aku bukan nak cakap mak aku bukan2 laaa… aku Cuma xtahan laaa mcmni… aku sedih lah kalau terus macamni… result aku paling tinggi dalam family… lepastu aku paling selalu buat kerja.. aku bukan nak banggakan diri aku.. tapi cakap xnak pun aku tak buat… sebab aku xnak melawan mak aku… adik aku yang hari-hari melawan mak aku tu.. mcam2 puji-pujian dia dapat.. sakit lah hati aku .. sebak aku hari2…. Bila rapat dengan adik beradik yang ni.. yang tu pulak jeles.. aku xpaham betullah… 

past

Dengan lafaz bismillah dan titisan air mata aku tuliskan..

Aku tak nak berpatah balik ke masa silam..

Masa di mana semua kebinasaan bercampur dalam darah aku..

Masa dimana setiap kali pulang aku tertunduk..

Aku terkaku dalam bilik air..

Menangis..

Apa yang aku dah buat..

Apa yang aku buat.

Kenapa aku sampai macam ni…

Aku teruk..

Aku sangat teruk..

Aku nak berubah..

Kenapa..

Aku tahu.

Cuma aku je yang rasa..

Aku tak nak benda2 ni jadi..

Macam mana nak elak..

Aku tak reti nak elak..

Aku xboleh..

Dah sebati..

Susah..

Umpama menarik daging dari dalam badan sendiri..

Sakit..

Memang aku yang mintak semua ni..

Tapi aku xtau kenapa..

aku dah cuba nak berhenti..

tapi kalau Cuma aku yang nak berikhtiar nak berhenti macam mana..

aku x cukup kuat..

bukan ini yang aku mintak..

aku dah addict..

aku mintak semua ni jadi lepas halal nanti..

aku penat..

sebab aku sentiasa fikir macam mana nak hentikan semua ni..

bila aku dah immediately dapat hentikan..

aku dah takda lagi perasaan..

sekaligus matikan perasaan terhadap dia..

Allah tolong jugak aku akhirnya..

Ya Allah..terima kasih Allah..

Akhirnya semua dah jadi sedia kala..

Tapi aku dah xrasa perasaan yang sama dah pada dia..

Aku takkan berpatah balik..

Tak mungkin..

Bila dah jadi macam ni..

Setiap saat aku teringatkan sesalan aku yang lalu..

Aku taknak ia berulang lagi..

This is my new turning point..

Whatever it takes..

I am with my decision..

holiday

Today everyone is not here anymore

We just here and outing both of us

Because the holiday just started

So we should hang up

Yeay we celebrated this moment

Live For Moment ! Remember?

Its Friday, and just hang out at KLCC

Nothing to do

Got so many problem

About the relationship

And the friendship

Who the one cares about those people

When no one ever think of u

When no one ever appreciate u

The way you appreciate them

Let it be

Let it flow

And what they want

This is the point

Im just cared

About myself

And whoever cared about

Me

Menyirap jugak laa.. sikit.

Aku fahmlah kalau kau tak sempat nak ambik gift tu sebab kau nak balik cepat.
tapi masalahnya kunci kat kau. takkan laaa kau xreti2 nak amik kotak tu.
aku memang terasa laaaahhh kan sebab bukannya aku beli murah.
lepastu aku beli semata-mata untuk birthday kau kan.
aku sanggup keluar cari hadiah semata2 nak belikan untuk kau..
nak bg kau happy...

tapi kau cuma amik isi dia je...
kau xhiraukan lansung kotak yang aku balut sndiri tu..
aku sakit hati...sakit sangat...

bukan saja tau aku nak cari pasal...
aku sakit hati sangat2...
bila aku bukak pintu keter lepastu aku nampak hadiah yang aku bagi..
yang aku balut sendiri..
aku mcm nak hentak muka dia..
hmmmm...

Happy Ever After Never Exist

My roommate messed up everything today

She texted me

When I was prepared for my exam

She said she will exchange roommate

For the next semester

Which break my whole heart

My happiness like gone

Vanish like a wind

I cant even read anything

I feel bad

I'm mad

How could she said all of this thing

How could she

Haven’t she ever think

What I will feel

If im reading this

Im so deadly in a temper

I break off everything

Messed up my room and cried

I was speechless

Im not stable

I have to call my friend

My friend was shocked seeing me like this

She asked me to calm down

Cause she me so in a bad mood

And I cried too loud

I don’t know what I supposed to do

In stress

I just think of him

I asked him out

I need a refreshment

Im so sad

I don’t know where to go

Im just cried along the way

Remembering all of our happiness

Im just stare everywhere and my tears dropping

Doesn’t she can tell me

In a proper way

That will not make me hurt

How cruel she was

He just looking at me weirdly

Cause he was know

Im not okay

Trying to make me smile

With his smile

We are heading to Times Square

Walking around

Eating KFC

I was in a bad mood

He was in a good mood

Telling story about bmx

or whatever his extreme game

skateboard patah la apa la

then we walking

cross the street

walk to Sungei Wang

nothing there

but now I know Sungei Wang got nothing

so after this

no need to think what was there

then walk again

to Pavilion

eating Arab ice-cream

sit beside the road

watching people

talking about life

and problem

walk again

to the Pavilion

watching people around the fountain

he said “hey I dream about this”

I said “u did?”

He replied “yeahh and I know someone is coming to my left. Now I know the person was u”

Im just looking at him

Blured

But nevermind im get used with it

We are watching the traffic

On the bridge that connect KLCC

And Pavilion

The crowds

Night of KL

Forgetting all my memories

Replacing with the good one

Thank you

For be a good accompany

You should be

Now

And forever

midnight

it just

why this thing keep happen

im so deadly stuck

to think

about 

all of these

which is wrong

which is right

getting blurred

getting pale

losing mood

cant focus

where my mind was flying?

the thing is

its not that i don't understand

i do understand u

deeply

just i cant say it

or express it

in front of u

i am rather kept quiet

because

takes time for me to expressing my mood

to let out everything

puke everything

sigh.

how can i

let go something that i have for 3 years

and choose something less than that

ridiculous

am i?

am i the one who ridiculous?

i tortured your feeling?

i am completely sorry

and begging

that i really unsure with my feeling

then how can i made a decision

keep hurting people.

who?

me.

just me. 

troubleness me.

troubling people.

which is maybe one of the reason of being hate 

by everyone around

Allah.

im not strong for all of this.

im not that strong.

im not asking for this confusion situation

im not asking to hur this till this moment.

what should i do.

im waiting for the answer.

which i also don't even know it will come

or not.

tired.

late for class.

too many assignments.