New Year story. (2014)

harini aku ada gathering dengan classmate untuk celebrate new year.

actually Wan yang planned all of these thing.

tak habis2 cakap nak g makan kat Steak House Kampung Baru.

so yang lain2 pun free kan diri.

and nasib ah malam tu memang free.

so konvoi ramai2 sebab yang tau jalan wan dengan sape ek ntah lupa ah keter siapa kat depan.

tapi yang keter aku si fitri masaan drive.

pastu yang dduk depan roomate dia.

aku kat blakang terhimpit dek fendy ngan zarul.

adehh aku xtau plak aku sorang pompuan.

abis yang lain nak naik keter mira cuma tinggal aku jelah.

taseq plak xnak pergi.

puas aku merayu. hmmmm

brapa kali keter aku tergesel kat bonggol sebab lowered.

aku pun eeiiii aku ckp "weh korang berdua ni berat berapa hah?"

fit ckp " hah lepasni tukar orang. fendy dengan zarul xleh naik sekali tak pun dua2 duduk lain2"

lowered siakkkk... dah ar bonggol dalam ksj sume tinggi2 haishh keter aku...hancoq...

si zarul dengan fendy dok gaduh2.. aku yang dduk tengah tu mcm -___________-"

aku cakap diorang dua sesuai jadi kembar.

habis lah makin berbalas2 mulut diorang.

dah dekat sampai tengok keter yang kitorang follow lalu jalan lain.

keter lehud plak dok follow keter aku.

ah sudah tiba2 sesat masuk mana tah.

diorang patah balik.

 keter Tiqah pun patah balik sama.

call ah si amierulyuzri.

diorang ckp diorang kat shell mana tah. 

aku pun xtau sgt area tu.

then last2 aku bukak gps. 

so follow gps aku last2 nasib ah jumpa.

dah jumpa boleh plak fit ckp dia tau tempat tuh.

hantu betul ah.

first impression mcm okey tempat tuh.

yelaah sebab cantik diorang hias.

and mcm busy gila. ramai gila orang.

and guess what table paling panjang is table kitorang.

serious ramai gilaaaa.

hahahhaha aku xdapat tangkap semua satu meja sebab yang hujung2 tu xnampak dah.

okay kot food dia. aku order yang ni. nama dia ape ntah aku lupa.

yang pasti dia beef dengan chicken steak.

sambung story time nak balik tu terjadilah peristiwa yang amat aku akan ingt sampai bebiler.

story start bila fit suh roomate dia yang drive.

at first mcm okay.

bila dia pijak pedal dia bising xgerak2.

lepastu fendy ckp ah "eh ko ni biar betul. tau bawak ke tak??"

lepastu dia cakap "apsal xgerak2 nih ?"

Fendy : "laaa kau tekan minyak ke tak ??"

Zariq : "manaa minyak ? tengah ni ape? "

Fendy : " laaa tuh laaa tengah tuh minyak !"

Zariq : " ouh mana aku tau"

fendy : " tak tauuuu ??  ni ape? aku dah seram dah niee"

Fit : jgn risau diaaa pro dia pro

aku : biar betul ni weh ?

pastu dia reverse cm bese. masa kat jalan dia bawak mcm ape. mcm nak langgar smua orang.

zarul yang dduk depan tu tak pasal2 jadi co-pilot.

si Fendy asik jerit2 "slow sikit lah weh ade kereta depan tuh !"

Zarul plak " kau ni nampak ke tak ada kereta kat depan tu?"

Zariq "aaa tuh la masalah aku. aku xnampak"

fendy "kau xnampak kenape kau nak bawak jugak ??"

aku plak nervous nak mati aku dok pgg je seat zarul tu kuat2.

sumpah aku nak mengucap dah mase tuh.

Zarul dengan Fendy dok selang seli bg arahan.

"wehh jangan laju weh!"

"weh sini masuk kanan weh"

"weh kat sana ada kereta tu kau jarak sikit!"

aku diam n berdebar sampai satu part masa nak turn kat traffic light tu dia g drive laju giler !

then Fendy jerit "jaga2 ada construction lah !!"

lepastu dia pergi speed pastu dia langgar bonggol tu dengan laju.

aku terus menjerit "aaaaaarrrghhh !!!!!" aku jerit sebab aku ingat nak accident dah.

lpastu Zariq pandang belakang dia tengok aku dia dah panik dengar aku jerit.

dia ckp "weyh sorry2 janganla jerit weh....weh sorry2"

lepastu dia main drive je . 

Fendy cepat2 cakap "oiii tengok depan lah !! nak masuk kiri tuh !!"

lepastu masa belok kiri tiba2 bunyi BAAAAMMM !!!

keter aku punya side mirror berlanggar dengan bontot keter yang parking kat situ.

aku menjerit lagi sekali .

aku mcm dah trauma gila... aku diam je...

lepastu dia dah makin panik. Zarul dengan Fendy conduct sampai masuk ksj..

sampai kat parking pun still diorang conduct...

aku turun keter terus check keter aku punya side mirror dah hancur n patah...

aku xkesah time tu aku pikir nyawa aku dengan kawan2 aku je...

sumpah ar brapa kali aku mengucap doh...

turun kereta aku tengok Zarul Fendy dah muka merah padam mcm cuak nmpak hantu..

punya ah mmbebel dia dengan aku..

aku dengan Fendy terserempak dengan Taseq pastu apa lagi aku dengan Fendy dok citer mcm ape je..

Fendy ckp dia pun berapa kali dok istighfar je .

kitorang sama2 bengang sebab tak sngka Fit boleh bg roomate dia bawak sedangkan roomate dia rabun mcmtu..

kalau mak aku tau pasal ni masak ahh aku.

Lecture menggelabah buat chaos

seperti yang tertera dalam kalendar.
harini 3 Disember 2013

ada onar harini.
siapa yang buat onar?
yang paling tinggi tempat nya dia UTM nih.
Lecture.

apahal dengan dia?
ntah
aku pun tak paham kenapa dengan dia.

pms?
mungkin

mcm biasa .
aku dah boleh agak.
masuk2 kelas macam expression orang memang tengah simpan marah.
tunggu nak meletup.

akhirnya.
dia meletup jugak.
sebab soalan akhir semua buat satu jawapan.
dan cuma sorang jawab 4 jawapan dalam 29 orang.
dah kenapa?
mana tau kena jawab 4 jawapan.

ingat itu semua interface.
apa yang kena input dalam tu.
ingat tu semua input.
mana tau lain2 algorithm.

saat itu.
perghh!
dia pulun habis.
maki kami segala yang boleh.
yang tak paham.
yang kena ketuk pun ada.
ketuk ringan.
memang takpe.
tapi dah kenapa?
apsal nak over?
apsal kau tak bincang je ?
apsal tak nak discuss yang kau rasa kami xfaham tu?
kenapa perlu marah x tentu hala?
explain la kalau kau tau yang betul nya macam mana.

masalahnya
yang betul punya pun kau tak check
or discuss.
yang kau tau nak sembur

kenapa nak kaitkan dengan penilaian pensyarah.
kalau xsuka student nilai.
awat hangpa wujudkan.
kalau hangpa xikhlas nak mengajaq.
awat hangpa jadi lecture?

dah tak tahan ?
dah semak ajar bertahun tahun?
so what
apsal x berenti?
kenapa nak buat benda yang korang xsuka?

lepastu end up like this?
temper like this?

seriously?


manusia manusia manusia.

Toiletries? hahahaha !

dah berapa hari dia balik rumah.
bestnye dia. aku kat sini busy dengan assignment.
bertimbun tak sudah.

dia cakap dia duduk Rawang.
aku tak faham kenapa dia asik kat kl sentral.
maybe aku tak tau route dia kot.
entah.

tapi dia balik harini.
katenye nak beli toiletries.
cehhh...
mcm pompuan. serious.

aku pun macam keberatan .
tapi dia ni xtau ar.
senang sangat lemahkan iman aku.
cehh iman.
konon.....

aku pun follow lah teman dia.
pergi wangsawalk.

dia cakap nak beli toiletries.
so pergi watson.

dia pun keluarkan sekeping kertas yang comel.
yang aku xtau apa yang tertulis atas tu.
lepastu aku tengok dia amik gel rambut dengan ape tah.

lepastu dia bayar.
dah habis beli lepastu dia kluar.
aku tanya ah

"aik tadi saya nampak cam ada list barang. takkan tu je ?"
" ouh aah... ni je..."
"aikk...itu aje pun nak list?"
"aah takut saya lupa"
"hahahahaha...ouh mcmtu pun ada eh hahhaha"

lepastu balik. n aku beli berus gigi.
hahahaa aku nak gelak ahhh...
sikit cmtu pun dia wat list hahaha ...

comel pun ade....
hahaahha... sebab aku xpnah buat list...
aku cuma checklist aku punya "things-to-bought" je..
mcm perfume...baju yang aku adore and nak beli....

feedback

It was 10 November  2013

He tweeted something in the twitter

About how many Foreigner in the hostel

And he was weird with it.

I found it interested because I kept

Thinking of the same thing

So I do reply

And he gave a normal responses

After a minute

He direct message with me

Asking me about who I am

And chatted

Like a normal human being

He asked my phone number

And for the first time im giving my

Phone number to a stranger

Without even a little feeling

Of scared

I do gave him straight away

I cant understand myself

That moment

How come

It could happen

Continue to chatted

As usual

Getting closed

Get to know

Who is he

So many things

Been told to me

Which is unacceptable thing

And unlogic

But

I do accept everything

Even cant feel

He was lying

At all

Am I stupid

Maybe

This is just a test?

To test me ?

I don’t know

Im not sure

Something appeared with this feeling

Like we are connected

Not a wire

Nor wifi

It’s a thing that connect us

My highly instinct

And his premonition

Like connected each other

Ridiculous

I know

But this is the truth

That I have to accept

It is unique

And fun

stranger

This is an antology of a women.

A cold woman whose living in a different live from others.

A women who kept dreaming.

Find out her dream and her reality is connected.

This started as founded a guy.

Whose been seen as different from this eyes.

Who appeared on 29 September 2013.

Its not really just appeared

Ive seen him somewhere.

Around my hostel

And I know who he is

Nurell keep telling story about he classmate

And he is Nurell classmate

But not that frequently ive seen him

But that day is the day

Ive seen him directly

He is cute

He should not reading this

He might being too much brag

He just like drop by our table

At the café.

He was drinking a banana ice blended

Which I don’t find anything interested with that drink

He just sit and drink

Aril asked him about a trip.

Our class trip.

Which is he look not really interested at all.

I was talking to Aril

And I was looking at him sometimes

And im stop talking

And being unconscious

Because of his eyes

The way he look

Like present something

He was looking back

And im just looking at Aril back

He was leaving

Im just heavy to let him go

This is insane

I just know him

How could I stop him from leave

He is going upstairs

I see him faded away

Insecure

Arrghhh urrrghhh !! what is happened to me now huh ? yap I know that is should focus t these week because it is a final examination week . but but but I’m really2 high potentially pressure and I’m really2 tired and I’m really2 don’t have energy in doing so many things. Urgghhh thing whole feeling makes me feel crap!  Need know why I became like this since the day of study week started and I’m just alone in my room. Then all of these happened. U know, when I was always alone in my room, I kept to being hallucination, I dreaming about whole thing, and then I think so many thing and sometimes I over thinking till it makes me scared somehow.

It started since last Tuesday, I have to back to my hostel because I felt that its much more easier for me to do my assignment since I have to sent it that night also. Then as I reached my room I knew that my room was empty. So I just let it go because im get used with it. The first day was okay nothing happened. The second day is started felt very lonely and I was thinking something bad during I was calling with my cik abang then suddenly I felt very scared and quickly rose out of my room. Then my breathing is pumped in out like I’m just running 20km away. I don’t even know what is happening on me actually okay. Then I went upstairs checked on my friend Fariha . She haven’t went anywhere lucky me she was in her room at that moment. So im just asking her if she can stay in my room tonight then we can………………u know …… ? hahahahahaha ! of course not im not asking her that way? What do you think I am? A lesbian woman? I’m noooott hahahahaha.

So back to the topic I asked her to sleep in my room because I felt very consciousness till I can’t sleep and I can’t be alone if not I’ll be hallucination about so many things that was not there at all. And I will make up things. She said it was okay but she have to met my another friends because she got things to do. This means she will catch me up later. Well that’s enough to make me calm….just a little calmness….??

Its almost 2 am so what I have to do is I have to sleep whatever it takes I must sleep. I’m trying to sleep but then my eyes keep opened sometimes and I’m blinking everywhere in my room. I’m really2 can’t understand this why is all of this is happening to me since I never felt scared for my whole life and why suddenly I felt this way now. This is really2 don’t make point. When I was blinking around Fariha is twisted my door and she entered. Phewww lucky she can make it. I'm almost fainted alone here with my stupid ridiculous mind. Then she slept there till the dawn. After dawn I checked that she was not there anymore maybe she already back to her room by the way. I don’t mind maybe she got so many else to do.

In the evening I texted my roommate and I just want to knew when she will be back I cant stand to be alone hereee gaddd . so she replied she will be here in maybe 10.30. so I waited her outside just because I felt very scared to be alone. Almost 1 hour I waited for her outside but she didn’t arrived yet. So I text her. She replied she went to campus to handing out her assignment. So I entered my room back. I cant just waited there plus I haven’t get my shower yet. Its freakin hot okay. After im taking bath im just lying on bed waitin for her. Then after about 2 hours after that she arouse entering room and im just waiting her to settled everything and I want to talk to her. Butttt butt …. Unfortunately …. She is back just to grab her things then she quickly rose out of the room and I don’t even have time to say anything tto her at all. Arrrghh felt like kicking something during that time. I was very sad that I'm couldn’t say any word to her at all and she don’t even aske me anythinnnnnggg she just get out of the room just like that? what is the hell is happening ??? didn’t she need me at all ? didn’t she noticed me here ? didn’t she want to ask me when I'm back to hostel ? how I came ? what do I do since she was not here ? then im just weeping all the way…………..

Im texting fariha… about my feeling then she was appeared for me and I cried to her loudly… I cried as I want to cried… and im hugging her and keep crying and said “aku takut….aku takut…….” But I felt really2 calm after that and just follow what she said. What she asked me to do.. im just followed her..and until today im just avoiding myself from being alone.

Hi im just 19 .

Today was 14 September 2013 .

and my birthday was yesterday . 13 September 2013 . i was born in the year of 1994 . at the government hospital . of course by my lovely mom . i am the fifth among the sixth . in this just ordinary family . begin from that moment i was in this family . live with them . forever .

the thing that i remembered is when i was a kid , my first sister just gave me a birthday present such as a toys , barbie toys , which i have 2 . one is from when i was a little . the hair of the barbie was white . and she is wearing a green short dress . another one i get when i was in the age of 9 maybe . i don't really remembered . and it having a yellow hair .

the only cake that i ever remember is an orange cake . which was celebrated with my first sister, my brother and me . that was because our birthday is nearer . 10 , 11 and 13 September . That was the last cake i ever have . after that none of them .

Once when i was i think 13 years old . i get a ladybug teddy bear for my birthday and i was just happy so much happy until i turn around on the floor and saying "yeaaaayyyyy!!!"

after that ... ? ermm i think sometimes my friend gave me a gift . u know... that small little memory gift .. the glass one which contain a sand which can turn upside down and the movement of the small flower inside the bottle was changing .

Then i was stepping into my teenage life . i'm having someone special . very special and lovable young man with such kindness attitude i ever had and saw . and for my 17th birthday he was giving me a priceless notebook . very expensive notebook which now i use it to wrote everything about us . till the day we got married then i'll pass it back to him to read all the Journey of us all this while :)

In the year of 2012 my age was 18 . he was busy doing matriculation . but otherwise he still want to gave something for me . he gave me a cute hedgehog teddy . i was loved it so much cause it is very small and very chubby . haha . and during this year also my friend from my coursemate at UTM pranks me with all those way to make me surprise . the throwing up the floor that was mixed with dirt , eggs ,grass, and so many unwanted staff . yurkssss eurghhh .then they surprised me with cupcakes and cute teddy bear which relly touchy my hearttt !!  but its stay up in my mind .. hahaa .

This year , everything just going out normally , and i think all of us is grown up and not so much wishes i got . maybe all of my friends were busy and hardly to remember my birthday . but i would not mind at all because all i need was just him to be with me today . my dear treat me three Secret Recipe cake . "Cappucino cheese" , "banana indulgence" and then he treat me a Starbuck drinks "Chocolate chip" yuummm hehehe felt very full today hahaha

 but but but my roomate celebrate me with her friends bringing up a Red velvet cake for me and gift me a cute bangle yesterday . the most touchy is she is with her coursemate sang a birthday song fer me :') imm deadly love herrrr ! gaddd love her so muchh . she is the best roomates evarrrr ! whatever it takes this is a life journey ;)

CELEBRATE UR BIRTHDAY WITH HAPPINESS YAAH !